Becoming Too Fast

During the most unexpected times of our life insight strikes itself upon our individualized perceptions of reality as it passes through us, typically unveiling deeper intuitive forces that we all too commonly fail at completely comprehending.

Sitting in the back of a moving car looking out the window at nature pass, I wonder if I’m trying to become too fast. A voice inside insinuates the need for slow growth -reminding me that my personal struggle to be somewhere other than where I am is self-defeating. “To what end do you rush?” the voice speaks, “For whose gain do you seek?”

I am reminded of the tedious warnings of various Eastern mystics. Something along the lines of, “Without proper preparation, the vehicle might collapse.” My memory is shot and finding the exact source no longer seems tenable or pertinent. Back in the car, I’m drowning in a sea of green mustard-roused thorn bushes flying past the car window. As the blistering scenery changes before me, I notice a royal-colored robin perched on the branch of a white oak.  

The possibility of failure coincides with the moment. Perfection is killing me. I’m still learning to prioritize process. The robin rests unconcerned even as the wind picks up.

When I’m honest with myself, I can admit the possibility of failure. Ignorance constantly prevails through a lack of attention, power is lost through lack of knowledge, opportunities are missed due to a lack of personal or social effort,  improper timing as the always constant executive excuse for failure, the wings of Icarus burnt from height, and the bodies of ants despite their proportional might are crushed by the unsuspecting strides of creatures with greater mass. Fortune, fate, and less not we forget God’s course, universal happenstance, or the One Law where our fault and failure to arrive at some accomplishment, some goal, some where, some will of our own halts in divine destruction -where clearly the route ends do to circumstances beyond our own control. So much opportunity, so much and the appearance of so much lacking, how goes our falling?

(A thought occurs: what if there is nothing to fail, nothing lacking? )

Patience furthers its growth within me. Slow and steady, consistent work is cultivating a new process of integration in which failure as a concept doesn’t apply to my process, reasons for rushing don’t apply to the day, and there is rightly nothing to achieve. Doing for doing’s sake and no other, no expectation of personal reward, no self-sacrifice, no surrender, and know nothing. When the hero has died, or at least integrated back to reality I realize that becoming too fast is all too slow of a process. Authentic decadence is dying. Surely this will take longer, always longer when I imagine. 

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(Bursts are new addition to this website. Hopefully, they’ll provide a touch of quick inspiration without taking up too much of your time! Periodic bursting is my attempt at  providing a more consistent interaction between us on this website. I hope you enjoy these short footnotes between longer articles.)