Life Between Others: Chaos, Choice, and The Two People You Will Meet

Chaos Theory

There are two types of people in the world.

There are those who restrict you from being who you are, and those who show you that you are more than the limit, more than enough, and better than forever.

For the latter, “Anything is possible.”

There are liars –people absolutely scared to be themselves, to act naturally, petrified of who they might become (if they would only apply themselves). Too scared to give themselves to another, they live in constant fear of commitment.

Like melting rainbow-colored wax candles, others are the Truth dripping down the outskirts of society.

These are the precious few who carry the light through the crowds of darkness. They smile from breakfast to bedtime brightening up everyone’s day with their subtle pearly white glances. They make you laugh and are always ready to lend a helping hand. They know that nothing good can come being dishonest and deceitful. They don’t gossip and their integrity can’t be bought with a favor.

They enjoy life for what it is. Being alive is enough.

They follow an internal rule; a genetic code of ethics guides their way. Their ability to choose well was never taught to them in school or read about in a book. It was as if they were born with a superior disposition to act outside of themselves. And though they act as if everyone is equal, their ability to think from a perspective outside of their own clearly demonstrates that we all do not possess the same skills. So many people are so caught up in how the world affects them that they are incapable of considering a perspective outside their own self-interests.



You will encounter fakers and there are Makers.

You will meet miserable people who will try and make your future look dull and hopeless. They will try to scare you from following your dreams and prevent you from making the mistakes you must make in order to grow wiser, simpler, and more resilient in a changing world.

People who try and convince us to give up before we ever try don’t deserve our slightest attention.

We come to learn that those that think they are brightest light bulbs in the room are actually not. But, those simple sensitive souls hesitant to outshine the majority, all too busily talking to notice anyone’s opinion but their own, are quite electric. Given the chance to express themselves, these people, these silent sticks dynamite, explode with natural splendor upon ignition. The brightest light never turns itself on. The switch is usually triggered by someone else who has faith in its ability to shine. With a flick of confidence, they illuminate the room.

There are those that don’t tip, won’t tip, and under tip even on great service and those that know that leaving a few extra bucks can really make a difference in someone’s life.

There are those that only care about the getting while others only want to give themselves wholly to another.

While some are flexible with their wallets, hearts, and minds, others couldn’t be stiffer.

As the bodybuilder aims for rock hard muscles and solid form, the yogi trains the body to bend like bamboo.

Both require dexterity.

The jack-of-all-trade thinkers tend to contemplate multi-directional, while the specialist drives toward his expertise in an undeviating fashion. As one lives in the curve, the other walks a straight line. As one misses the nuances of the problem, the other fails to see the bigger picture, a life outside of the problem.

When rigid thinkers and smooth believers work together, the problem solves itself.

The tense traveler and the relaxed business man have more in common than either realize.

Both the dogmatic Muslim and the atheist stuck on an intellectual high horse need to reexamine the scope of their ignorance. Embracing another doesn’t require you to accept their ideals, but you must accept their right to believe freely. They have a right in deciding how they live their life regardless of your opinion.



People move in and  out of our lives.

A new acquaintance can disappear forever after their brief introduction. A relationship with friend can dissolve over a period of six months, a few years, or even in the blink of eye. Almost everyone we know changes. Other times, meaningful relationships bring new purpose and guidance into our lives. A great friend can wipe off the blues of a bad day while the loss of a lover can destroy a simple life.

Some people make you wish you could live forever just so you could spend eternity in their arms. Others will convince you Hell exists as time spent on Earth. And these minions that we just so happen to randomly run into can make us pray that karma exists. We can easily find ourselves begging for a supernatural Justice that will bring righteous action upon the evil in the world as if this will somehow reverse all their wrongdoings.

Other people try their hardest to convince you their God is real. That they and only they know the real Truth. The neurotic cannot and will not share their God with you. Their secret God helps them feel special, chosen, and superior to everyone else. And likewise, the person who does not believe in God or a God will be sure to tell you the same. Both are spreading their messages; both want to be heard. They each want to know that someone else is listening.

Being around others, you find out God is more than an object, an idea, or a concept that can be mentally grasped or written about in the confines of a book. Those who silently whisper of the all-accepting, omnipresent One Love are about as close as they will come to explaining to you who their concept of God really is.

And of course, talking about love doesn’t mean you understand how to love someone. Knowing about love doesn’t mean you are ready to sacrifice yourself as the number one priority in your life and substitute yourself for the sake of another. Unconditional love does not ask, “What’s in it for me?” And yet, loving someone can become the most selfish of all desires. Wanting someone only for ourselves, we can easily turn them, an entire individual, into a possession, an object, thus dulling their brightness and Beauty.

Are you objectifying the ones you love?

Are you relying on someone else to make you happy?


For some people, death is the final frontier –the last wall to climb. Others see it as revolution, The Great Escape, and want to knock the wall down ahead of time letting it crush them along with their weight of worldly sufferings.

The universe carries much uncertainty; we are all looking for release. Everyone wants to be set free from service, unburdened by the weight of responsibility, and feel unrestrained by the suffering confines of the physical body.

Staring in the empty eyes of some reflects their greatest sufferings, shortfalls, and regrets. Their painful expression ingrains an image into our minds of a life lived a thousand times. As if they were dragged and tormented across the bitter plains of the Earth by the hands of another (or perhaps, from their own doing). And in a moment’s notice, a child’s playfulness, hope, and curiosity can make us feel that all of our dreams can come true.

The majority of our lives are spent immersed between these two types of people.

The oscillating effects of others put us somewhere between pleasure and pain, the sublime and the base, and the realization that we are alive and will certainty die.

How do we handle living in-between the fluctuations?

Eventually, some of the path-pavers have to be ousted in order make way for the reformers. The innovators, the movers and makers of the world, change it; showing us who we truly are: free-willed spirits with powers of rationalization, the capability of embracing the unknown, and choosing to realize the presence and grace of existence.

Just because our parents taught us their way of thinking doesn’t mean it’s the best way to think, just because we’ve been doing it the wrong way for years doesn’t make it any more right.

Better ways can be had, found, and created.

There are many who are skeptical about the longevity of the human race. Their unsettling demeanor in social settings consists of spreads their hopeless outlook to the anyone who will listen. Meanwhile, this person complaining to everyone at the party is doing nothing to improve the world.

It is easier to spend the majority of our time being irrational, ignorant, distracted, and lazy.

Remember: complaining about problems conserves more energy than changing them.

People try their best to avoid the difficult questions, challenging ones that encourage thinking outside the confines of a box. For the conservative, it’s safer to stay inside their comfy belief system (even if it’s wrong, immoral, irrational, and immature) and knowing they might not get the answer they want keeps them from asking it. Like children, what scares them most is not getting their way.

So, how do we handle living between these types of people?

Does a commonality exist between us?



Not knowing what tomorrow brings scares the hell out of all us. Our existence stems from a chaotic harmony that cannot be formulated, understood, or idealized in the mind of man.

Encountering the effects of chaos in real life is frightening, disheartening, and can easily destroy all of our motivation towards accomplishment.

Even the most astute optimist struggles in dealing with pure Randomness when it doesn’t seem to have his best interests in mind. When the world plagues you with an incurable disease, or your child is cursed through the genetic lottery of mitochondria malfunction, or your wife develops dementia in her later years, life feels too far gone. Present worry no longer seems like trivial worries from the past. Nothing leaves us more unsettled than being stuck with uncertainty as our only choice. We do not have the luxury of striking chaos back.

“I accept chaos, I’m not sure whether it accepts me.”

-Bob Dylan

Staring into the chaotic nothingness, we will find that people really do matter, each of them, all of them, and how we respond to people is equally important. Chaos is penetrating their lives as deeply as it is our own.

Every day, others approach us knocking at the mental doors of our attention and acknowledgement. They are hoping we open our visual and verbal doors gladly to them. They want to be noticed, to be listened to, and to interact with us. They want to share their opinions, ask us ours, and they are awaiting our response urgently.

In this dynamic meeting place, the daily space between us and them, we are confronted with a crucial decision.

How will we open our visual and verbal outlets of communication?


Taking a moment of silence before responding makes all the difference.


The space between the other and ourselves, you and I, free will exists. Here lies the freedom of choice.

How will you respond to this space?

How will you answer the door of every moment?

How we choose, how we respond, how we react, and the choices we make seriously affect those around us.

Ultimately, we become what we choose.

Choice is always there.

Our decision lies between the comfort of regressing within and holding to a negative, separated outlook that could end up leaving our existence an even lonelier place than it already is.

Or, we can become an outlet of truthfulness; an extension of Presence, a formless lighthouse upon the blank sea of consciousness. We can choose to be illuminating guides helping all those caught in the chaotic storm to navigate through it or we can let them sink into the utter abyss.

We can embrace.

At the end of the day there is only one type of person, a human being.

And it is how we choose to see “the other” everyday that reflects our own view of the world, our perspective and attitude, back to us.

Ultimately, people are going to behave how they so desire, but at the end of the day don’t we ultimately have the last word?

Doesn’t how we see one another make all the difference?

Can’t we try to brighten the bleak future for the pessimist?

Can’t we help the overt optimist be more reasonable in his decision making?

Most importantly, are we choosing to see ourselves in honest light? Or, are we too busy trying to differentiate ourselves from one another that we forget how similar we are?

The same colored blood runs in my veins as yours. Water clinches both our thirsts and the sun’s rays keeps us both from freezing. We both bleed red, swallow blue, and bask in yellow. We can equally paint our canvas beautifully or choose not to.

The only difference is in our choice.


What difficult choices have you made lately?

What have you done to put another ahead of yourself?

Leave a comment at the top and start a conversation.

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About Stephan Stansfield

Stephan is the owner, creator, and editor of Peregrine Poise.
He is currently traveling and teaching around the world. When he is not helping others discover their true potential, he finds time to surf, read, and reflect on the important issues of living a good life.

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